Reflections

I have been completely avoiding my blog lately because I am dreading the "what we did all summer" post - all those pics to download! I am also shamefully behind on counting my blessings! These posts will come, but not tonight, I am tired. (I also have several recipes and ideas to post on my food blog. Aargh, something may have to go!)

This week marks my return to the working world, and the return of my juggling act between mommy and career gal. I have to say, it has been fraught with mixed emotions. I cried on my way to work yesterday. I put on a good face, but struggled at work a bit, because I hate learning new things. Especially when, really, I know WHAT to do, it's just figuring out HOW this particular agency does it. Also, the way private agencies are run is very different from school districts. In some ways better, in some ways not as good, but mostly just different. Then I came home later than expected, and it was somewhat of a challenge to fit in dinner and family time before bedtime. But we did it with minimal chaos. Then today was better. I just about skipped out to my car at the end of the day, feeling like I'm getting my feet under me and maybe the balance is possible. Also I had an experience at work that validated the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing. Shawn has been so great. Both days, he had all the housework done (working off of a modified list of what I usually do, of course), and dinner just about ready. Which is actually more than I can say for myself sometimes. I'm so sad that I'm leaving my home and my sweet boys two and a half days a week to go to work, but I appreciate that I am able to do something I enjoy and contribute to the family economy. Happy that that side of my personality is being challenged and fulfilled. Also so grateful that I went to college! My degree makes it possible for me to have a great job with really flexible hours that allows me to work part time and still make decent money.

I have been reflecting lately on all the changes our little family has experienced over the past year. They are many: In September of last year, I was pregnant, had quit my job, and began babysitting out of my home. Construction slowed waaaaaaay down, and Shawn got a new job. Not just any job, but one as a police officer, for which he had no prior experience or training. We welcomed sweet baby Kole into the world in November, at 2-something in the afternoon after Shawn had worked a night shift the night before. He took a whole 1 day off after Kole was born, so it was pretty much, here we go with regular life. (I know it's just like that anyway for a lot of moms, but I normally require a little taking care of after giving birth!) Shawn left for POST in January and lived in a teeny tiny room with a teeny tiny twin bed in Boise for 10 weeks, eating sleeping and dreaming law enforcement. Life was much improved for all of us when he came home! Spring came, school let out, and babysitting was over. I didn't do well with that, mainly because I had so many part timers coming and going, I felt like I was running to the bus stop all day long and couldn't get anything done! (I'm not a very good multi-tasker.) And since it was never in the plans for me not to have any income at all, we started talking about what I would do the next school year. Discussions were had, decisions were made, and here we are. Whew! Maybe now we can settle in a bit. Hopefully the balance I've always sought will grace me with lasting presence. Shawn and I had a little friendly visit last night about sharing roles ~ it opened my eyes to some things, and maybe his, too. Time will tell.

Hmph. Apparently I had more to get off my chest than I thought.

52 Blessings ~ Week #29 (Almost a week late!)

Boy, things in the Williams household have been busy these last two weeks! Both of my bros. were here visiting, one with a new baby! We had birthday celebrations, barbeques, days on the lake, and lots of fun together time. That all led to loads and loads of undone laundry at my house, but I digress! Here are this week's blessings:

1 ~ Baby Gavin

Gav is my little brother's new baby. He is also my very first blood-related nephew (Bri and Jo's first baby). I didn't think that would really hit me the way it did, but it did! I love all of my nieces and nephews on Shawn's side of the family with all my heart, but there is something really special about my little bro having his own baby. And let me tell ya, he is a DOLL! So snuggly and happy. Gavin is really good natured, too. He took to all the new family and friends with ease and grace - not all babies can do that. Brian and Jo are really good parents, and that's neat to watch. Until now, I have been the sole provider of grandchilren for my parents, a torch that I am MORE THAN HAPPY to pass on! Love you, Gavin!

2~ Sushi

I LOVE SUSHI! It seems like the more I get it, the more I want it! When Shawn and I were in Utah last week, we ate at an all-you-can-eat sushi place, Simply Sushi, and it was sooooo yummy. The sushi was actually pretty good quality, it tasted fresh and wasn't overly fishy. I mean, it's fish, so it's a little fishy. We went with some old friends that live down there, and between the four of us, we ate probably 15 rolls, in addition to some hand rolls, appetizers, nigiri, and soup. It was a little bit wrong (should you really eat all you can eat of sushi - isn't it something to be savored, not devoured?), and we felt soooooo full afterward, but it was fun. I kept saying I felt like I was in one of those hot dog eating contests, hee hee hee! Ever since then, I have been wishing we had a good all you can eat sushi place around here!

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1 ~ Knowledge.

More specifically, spiritual knowledge. Knowledge of our divine purpose and worth. Here's the explanation: Bella was having a rough little moment this afternoon. She was wearing a pair of Kole's little pants around as shorts (she was so cute!), and I was lovingly teasing her about being so skinny. She took it wrong, and that sent her into this moment of comparing herself to her sister and feeling bad about her body. I made the mistake then of telling her that she was just absolutely beautiful and perfect. Well, she didn't take that well. So I revamped and said something about how nobody on this earth is perfect and that that's why we're here. We're here to be challenged and learn lessons, etc. We discussed how the Lord created each of us unique, and that no two people on this earth are exactly the same, even twins. Now, we've talked before about our bodies being gifts, and the body is a temple, etc. But, here came this moment of inspiration. I said to her: "Bella, your body is a gift, but it also has a special job. It's a home for your little spirit that lives inside. (Her eyes lit up at that point). Our Father in Heaven did not give us our bodies to look pretty or to be just like someone else's. He gave us our bodies to house our spirits, to move and play and run and jump." We went on to talk about how well her body accomplishes these tasks, and that it really does work quite well for her. There were tears in my eyes at this point, because I was so thankful for the comfort I was able to give my daughter, and for the peace that this conversation brought me, a reminder to myself of all those things. (With more than a few extra pounds the last two babies have left me with, sometimes it's easy to not appreciate my own body for it's true worth and purpose). I am thankful for my body, and more importantly, thankful that I am a daughter of God, and for the peace that knowledge brings me. I am thankful that I can help to instill that same peaceful knowledge in my two beautiful daughters.

2 ~ Fun and Functional Clothes

I know, frivolous, right. But clothes are somewhat of a hobby for me, and I actually think they are a way of expressing one's individuality. It probably comes from wearing a uniform to school almost my whole life. Anyway, this week, 3 lovely little pieces have come into my life. First, this cutie pie was gifted to me by a dear friend:

It's an apron, in case you can't tell. I would have modeled it, but no one else is awake to take my picture. :(

Of course, many of you know the talented Tanya, but for those who don't, see her homemade bags and aprons at Luscious Lemon on Etsy. I love to cook, and the pattern reminds me of a dress I had when I was somewhere near 4 years old. Every time I wear it (which has been and will be often), I feel happy, sort of Donna Reed-ish, and will think of this lovely friend. By the way, Donna Reed is my way of describing that happy, content, accomplished homemaker feeling I get when I feel like I've done a good job at some domestic duty. :)

Next, (the same day!), this tankini and board short arrived in the mail (because I paid way too much to have it shipped overnight from Athleta).

We've been going boating with my aunt and uncle at Blacktail lately, and I decided I needed a swimsuit that wouldn't fall off of me in the water, and would look cute, age-appropriate, modest, and flattering (I know, swimwear does not perform miracles). It would also need to hold "the girls" in place. Imagine my delight when this arrived on Monday, not 15 minutes before we were to leave for another afternoon on the lake. And then to have it fit right and meet my criteria! Bonus, the top was on sale, and both pieces are of excellent quality! I will never buy another swimsuit anywhere else. Athleta rocks!

Grateful

A lot of times I blog about negative things. Things that irritate me, days that I feel like screaming or drowning myself, or important decisions that need to be made or have been made. Not because I am an inherently grouchy person, but because writing helps me work things out! But, I often THINK about things I am grateful for. I just don't often write about them because they give me peace, not that desperate crazy helpless feeling I get from those argh! moments.

My friend Ashley does this 52 Blessings thing on her blog. Basically, once a week (for a year, hence the 52), you post about something you are thankful for. Here's a link to the 52 Blessings Project on Flickr. I noticed on her blog that last week was week #26, and I thought that sounded like a good time to start counting my blessings! Since we are officially halfway through the year, I plan to start posting my blessings from now on, 2 a week.

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1. My Children ~ I am not a woman of great patience, so there are many times when I am NOT thankful for my children's BEHAVIOR. But, I am always thankful for these 4 little people who grace me with their presence in my life every day! I am grateful for their companionship, their unconditional love, their creativity, their compassion, their energy, and their patience! I am grateful that they seem to find the fun in everything that they do. I am grateful that they are smart, healthy, happy, and filled with love.

2. My Backyard ~ It is big and somewhat plain, and I love it! It has plenty of room for the trampoline, kiddy pool, sprinklers, and whatever other adventures the kids dream up. Today they are running a stuffed animal hospital out of a princess tent in a little corner of shade. So fun! My favorite time is when the grass is freshly cut and the garden freshly weeded, like it is today (thanks to Shawn, sorry for the sore back)!

Hmm....

I think my mid-summer melancholy has set in. It's not really a bad thing, just a thing. Baseball is almost over, and we seem to have settled in to our lazy mornings, long evenings routine. I always feel sort of quiet and peaceful this time of year. It's a happy melancholy. Time could freeze right now and I would be completely fine and content.

In other news, it looks like I will be going back to work part-time in the fall. It's a good thing because that extra income will provide a much-needed financial cushion. I've never been very good at holding tight the pursestrings, and even though Shawn would never admit it, neither is he. So the cushion will be nice. I'll be doing something I love - either teaching or helping to coordinate developmental therapy programs for preschoolers (not sure yet whether I will go back to the school district, or work for a private agency, some decisions might be headed my way). In some ways I'm looking forward to it, and in other ways I'm sad. The boys won't have to go to daycare (which is the only way I would do this!), as Shawn can be home with them for a couple of days a week. I just hope that enough things have changed in our family over the past year that it won't be crazy stressful for me like it was before. I have become so accustomed to the peace I have cultivated as a stay-at-home mom. On a side note, I always wondered if I had fewer challenges with my children when I was working because the Lord knew that I could only handle so much. The answer to that is yes! My children have been much more challenging since I quit working last summer! Maybe they will become angels again if I go back to work. :) It's a big decision, and I wish that we had unlimited resources (read: lots of money!) so that I didn't have this choice to make! And yet, I've always sort of felt that a big part of my life's challenges would be to balance home and career. Oh, but that's another topic for another post.

Has anyone ever been to the farmer's market here in town? I've never been, but the kids and I wanted to check it out in the morning. Should be a fun day in the sun, anyway. Enjoy your beautiful warm weekend!

Yep, Rob is a Yankees fan....sigh....swoon.....

You're welcome.

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