Out of the mouths of babes

From the 4-year old little sweetie that I babysit: "When you get married, you have to KISS a BOY on the MOUTH, so I'm not gonna do THAT!"

Jagger: "Miss... my daddy. Bella miss... my daddy. Mommy miss... my daddy." Pretty insightful for a 2 year old, huh?

I have come to a realization

I am a good mom. In fact, 99% of the moms I know are good moms. Our kids are happy and well taken care of. It doesn't matter if we are more or less strict, more or less messy or clean, have our kids in a million activities or none. What matters is that we give our kids the individual love and attention that they need, and that we teach them the core values they will need to become happy, healthy, well-adjusted, productive adults. What always sinks my ship is that I second guess myself. For example, so-and-so has her kids in dance and sports, maybe I should do that, too. Or, so-and-so's kids are better at doing their chores than mine - maybe I should try her system. NO MORE SHOULD! I don't know why or when I started doing this to myself. When my girls were little, I thought I was the best mom I knew. Seriously, I was a bit of a snob about it. (If you knew me back then, you are probably nodding your head and laughing an evil laugh right now). Somewhere along the line I got caught up in the SHOULD. Well, no more! From now on, I'm going to do what I know is right for my kids, my family, and I would challenge anyone reading this to do the same. Hopefully you already are. If you're reading this, and you're a mom, know that I think you are FABULOUS!

On a cute side note, I have my little niece and nephew over today. When my sister-in-law dropped them off, she told me what my nephew had said on the way over: "I like going to Aunt Andi's house. It comes with Jagger."

Mama Mia! (Mothers and Daughters)

I had heard so many great things about the movie Mama Mia!, that I decided to give it a try. Okay, about 30 seconds in and I was in love. Can you be in love with a movie? (My 9-year old self would answer yes to that question, upon seeing Tom Cruise for the first time in Top Gun). Anyway, back to Mama Mia! I love everything about this movie. The music, the island (I can FEEL the warmth of the rocks and the water), the clothes, the friends, the dancing. This movie reminds me of who I used to be. Partly because my favorite place to be in all the world is somewhere with warm sand and warm water; and partly because it feels so carefree and fun. I used to be carefree and fun. I miss that girl. I know, everyone grows up, but somewhere in the process I have become a worrier. I think way too much about EVERYTHING. It is exhausting. I'm tired of worrying and thinking. Here's to letting it be.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my girls. (See, always with the THINKING). I enjoyed watching the dynamics of the relationship between Donna and Sophie. I loved that they could see and appreciate their differnces, and I loved the bits of raw honesty that passed between them. I'm not sure I have that raw honesty with my mom. Actually, I'm sure that I don't, but I suppose that is another story for another time. It got me thinking about mothers and daughters in general. It's a daunting task ahead of me, raising TWO daughters. Instilling in them values that will carry them through their lives to come - virtue, strength, self-assurance, confidence in who they are, knowledge that they are daughters of God, an awareness that they are one beautiful, special part of a whole (a collective sisterhood, the human family). I know I'm rambling, but I think it's that last part that gets me. I don't think that boys need to feel as SPECIAL as girls do, as if they are the only person in the universe like them, and that there is something wonderful in that. Maybe it's as simple as my girls are having a hard time SHARING lately, or that I was the only girl in my family, so I get the feeling special thing. They are just constantly in competition for my attention, with one or the other feeling jilted ("You love Emma moooore than meeee!") I want so badly to give my girls a sense of BALANCE, teach them to give and receive love and attention equally, and to feel secure, even as the attention ebbs and flows. Maybe I just need to teach them not to THINK as much as I do. Whew, now I'm tired.

(By the way, did anyone else think the flower penis was HILARIOUS)!?

AAARRRGGHHHH!

I want this week to be OVER! I thought I was doing okay, but now I realize that things have been going steadily downhill since Jagger started puking Tuesday morning. He puked for 2 days, and now has had NASTY diarreah since yesterday morning. Kole hasn't pooped since monday, so he's way crabby. (As my bro said, wouldn't you be?!) I just feel like I have been running all week and getting nowhere. The past 24 hours have been especially bad, karmically speaking. Is that a word? I feel like one of those dogs whose owner thinks it's funny to feed it peanut butter. He works so hard to chew it or swallow it, or get it out, but he just can't. And now I have a raging headache. Maybe it's the snow. It's beautiful and all, but a little suffocating. Stupid January!

ICK!

So, here's how my morning has gone so far: Woke up, excersised. Sooooo proud of myself, because this is the first post-baby workout and it felt so great! Helped Emma get ready for school and noticed an odd smell in the bathroom. Oh well, with 4 kids, odd smells are not uncommon. Still, this one was pretty bad.... Saw Emma off to the schoolbus. So proud of myself, again, to have squeezed in a workout AND a shower. Feeling as though mothers the world over would be proud to have a morning like this! Heard Jagger call to me from his room to get him out of bed. Walk into Jag's room (still in my towel), and BAM - discover the source of the smell. He had PUKED sometime in the night. Oh, so gross! It was brownies, all dried up and stinky, stuck to his hair, blankie, BoBo (stuffed monkey), all over his jammies. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm sure all can imagine the circus of laundry, bath, and Lysol that ensued from that point on. Things seem to have settled down a bit now, but I'm crossing my fingers that the bug doesn't spread.

On a side note, I have a new blog, entitled Williams Family Pics. The plan is to post most of my pics over there and keep this one for random thoughts, rants, etc. We'll see how it goes.

I sooo wish I had thought to take a picture of Jagger's crib this morning, with all the puke, etc. Who thinks to grab a camera at a moment like that?

Ode to friends, part II

Some fun pics I ran across to further illustrate yesterday's post.

Oops - looks like he didn't want his picture taken again.

What is that on my face?

Way to go, Bella - she's got herself a younger man!

Me and my boyfriend.

Hee hee hee, this one's for you, Twilight gals, since I don't have any newer pics of you!

Hopefully they're always good friends!

Friends, old and new, borrowed and blue

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately. I have been so fortunate in my life to have been friends with countless wonderful people. Friends I grew up with, friends that have come and gone, friends that I worked with, friends who are also family, friends who I don't even know except through this strange bloggy world, random people who affected my mood in a positive way. My friend Melissa wrote a post recently about history - common, shared history among spouses. I love that. I love having history with my friends, too, but tonight, that history makes me sad. I don't have much PRESENT with the people that I share the most history with. My oldest friend in the world, the beautiful Lauren Sanchez Gregory, invited me to be her friend on Facebook. Not knowing anything about Facebook, but wanting to be FRIENDS with my friend, I joined and became her friend. This means I get to see all the other people she is friends with, and read her various comments, etc. Some of the names and faces I recognized, others I didn't. It occurs to me that I don't know my oldest and dearest friend very well anymore. I mean, we have known each other since kindergarten (which seems like yesterday and a hundred years ago all at the same time - see, Melissa, duality!), but we are not day to day friends anymore. When we do get together, every few years or so, it seems like no time has passed, but each of our daily lives is completely foreign to the other. I suppose all of this is compounded by the fact that I am in Idaho and she is still enjoying sunny southern California. The baggage I carry from that move is material for another post, another day. Suffice it to say I am sad and missing old friends tonight.

When I was a younger, I was always the type of person who liked to have just one or two really good friends, and that was it. I now find that I need all my fingers and probably some toes, too, to count the number of people I consider really good friends. Of those, there is still just a handful that I trust with my secrets, but still.... I am feeling abundantly blessed by my friends lately. I have had several experiences with various friends lately that have changed my life in a positive and profound way. Two secret-sharing friends here in Idaho, Jo and Hil, have truly been keeping me afloat since I had Kole. My family's life is exceptionally busy and complicated right now, and I have needed the life preservers they have provided. It's very true that the Lord's work is manifested through His children.

Something has happened that has made me realize once again how much I love and need my husband. I'm not going to go into detail for the whole world to read about (right, like the whole world is reading my blog), but nobody's dead, and it's not some life-altering tragedy, so if you don't know what I'm talking about, call me and I'll tell you. Anyway, things have just been put into perspective for me lately. Sometimes it's not really about who does what around the house, who hauls the kids around to all their stuff, who did the grocery shopping or shoveled the snow. Sometimes it's just about loving someone.

I wish I had room and time to post pics of all of my old, new, and borrowed friends (I'm the blue friend tonight). But, I don't, so here's this cute one of my very best friend.