We have so much...

I came down here all fired up to write a scathing and very whiney post about how crappy it is that I have to/choose to work. Because it is Saturday night, I just finished scrubbing dishes, there are 5+ loads of laundry waiting to be folded, and I am about to start trying to catch up on a mountain of paperwork (job-related, not family-related). And that is NOT what I want to do. I WANT to eat stove-popped popcorn, drink green tea, and watch a movie!

Then I realized, it is Saturday night, and somewhere in this world, somewhere in this town, people are cold. And hungry. And children are scared. Somewhere in this world, people live in houses made of dirt and could live for a week on the amount of leftovers I just threw out. Somewhere in this world, women are desperate for the freedoms I take for granted.

But here, in my home, in my Saturday night, my kids have full tummies and warm beds. They have a mommy and a daddy who love them more than our own lives. We have a home that suits our needs and live in a country where we are afforded countless personal freedoms. We are blessed and I am grateful.

Resolutions (cringe)

I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions. I kind of feel like I hold myself to unreasonably high standards anyway, so a New Year's Resolution is just one more thing to pressure myself with. However, there are many areas of my life that are pretty messy as of late, so in an effort to tidy them up a bit, I have made just three little resolutions:

1. Exercise daily: not to lose weight specifically, but to feel good and be healthy and happy;

2. Serve dinner at 5:00 every night: so that my kiddos can have some down time and more family time after dinner/clean-up;

3. Be early for church: so that my kids and I can be settled and peaceful at the beginning, and so that I can fullfil my church responsibilities adequately.

Some other ideas floating around the back of my head in case I'm awesome and surpass these resolutions in a few months (ha!):

~ Build yoga into my daily routine: I love yoga, it is centering and peaceful. It makes me stand tall and feel beautiful.

~Become one of those people who is financially savvy: currently, not so much. I could write volumes on this topic, but will leave it at that.

~Choose wardrobe pieces wisely: things that are classic, beautiful, flattering, and me. I do okay with this, but I end up buying a few things each season that I don't need and never wear.

~Decorate my house: it's just never been a priority, and I'm not really sure what my home style is.

~Journal: despite several attempts, I have never been successful at keeping a journal. And this kind of blog really doesn't count. I always go back and forth between what I think a journal should be, an archive of family events or an honest account of emotional journeys. Probably two separate volumes would be required. Whew, that makes me tired just thinking about it.

P.S. I really love clothes (refer to future resolutions section above), but my style is pretty basic. I like classic pieces with simple details, nothing too trendy. So today, I picked up a Boden catalog that had been sitting on my counter for days. I have received this catalog before, but never even gave it a look. For Shame! So lovely! Here's just a sample of the awesomeness that is Boden:

I am saving my pennies and can't wait to indulge in a few choice pieces this spring!

A bit of randomness

I just uploaded (is that the right term?) some pics from my camera - 59 to be exact, and exactly 37 of them are worthless. That's what happens when mommy does not monitor the children's use of the camera, and the children use the camera liberally! On Saturday, the girls had their last bball game of this season (more on that later). Well, Jagger and his little friend got a hold of the camera and proceeded to take pictures of everything - each other, the court, the kids, the floor, fuzz from their hands being to close to the lense. Emma must have also had her fun with it, because I found several self-portraits, which are no big surprise, her favorite! Then back to Jagger this afternoon, the result of which included about 8 shots of Shawn on the couch, one very close close-up of a football, and either the couch cushion or the carpet; along with many many "thumb blocking half the shot" shots. Hee, hee, hee. I probably should set more defined boundaries on camera use, but that's one where I go back and forth between thinking it's okay for them to use it, and then thinking it makes me really irritated when they use it. I suppose that's one of those things that falls under the category of "Is it eternal?" Thanks to my wise friend Robyn for that little barometer!


So, here is my best attempt at capturing the peace and loveliness of my sweet little Christmas tree:

I have seen enough beautiful pictures of sweet home Christmas trees lately to know that this is not one! How is this accomplished? I even fiddled around with the settings on my camera, and still couldn't make it look pretty. Come on, I know I have some photography-lovin' friends out there - help!!

And how about this one - is it New Year's card worthy? (Best of intentions indicate that I actually WILL get cards sent out this year, if not a wee bit late)!

I actually think this one is cuter, but I don't know, do people want to see the kids being wiggly and trying to run away - what do you think?

I have done so crappy with posting my blessings (52 Blessings project), but tonight I am thankful for a warm, safe home, and boys who love their momma!

Merry Christmas, friends. I hope this blessed week brings you peace and joy.

So far, so good

We're off to a good December in the Williams household. Well, I guess I'd better go back to November, with Shawn, Bella, and Kole all celebrating birthdays. It was the usual merriment, EXCEPT, never have I seen a one-year-old enjoy his cake like my little Kole. The pictures just do not do justice to how delighted he was with his 1st Birthday cupcake! He really dug in, and kept digging and digging and digging. I had to pry the paper out of his hands, then hurry and give him another. By cupcake #3 I figured I had better cut him off for his own good - off to the bathtub! It was a fun night and a joy to watch my baby having so much fun!

This weekend, the girls and I went to The Nutcracker, at the Colonial Arts Theatre downtown. I love that theatre, its so old and pretty. Bella had performed in The Nutcracker before, but she isn't dancing this year, so I thought it would be fun to go and actually get to watch. The dancers, both local and professional, were beautiful, and I love the story. Time spent with just my girls is precious to me, and this was a perfect night!

This was the whole group of us, except me:

Also this weekend, the girls performed in their very first piano recital. They practiced and practiced, and I have to say, it paid off! I was a litte worried when we first started talking recital, but my worries were unneccessary (aren't they usually)! They each performed their song PERFECTLY! Seriously, no mistakes! A proud moment.

The past several years have found me not only dreading the onset of the Christmas season, but drudging along through it with less than gleeful enthusiasm. I hate all the commercialism, the pressure, the stress I put myself through to have a perpetually clean house (because all those decorations in a messy house...please)! Plus, I always end up doing my shopping at the last minute, agonizing over what to get everyone. This year, I decided NO MORE! First of all, the house is going to be messy. If I'm lucky, once a day, after dinner dishes are done, laundry and toys are put away, and kids are ready for bed, it will be clean and I can enjoy it. That will have to be enough. I have finished most of my shopping already because I made lists and went out on Black Friday to get most of it (no, I did not get ANY great deals because I am not CRAZY and did not go out at 4am to wait in line or spend my Thanksgiving day in a tent outside of Target). The rest I have ordered online or will be exchanging/purchasing this Thursday during my annual birthday dinner/Christmas shopping night with friends Jo and Hil (Jolene's birthday, not mine). AND, it's a simple Christmas at my house this year. I have made sure the distribution of wealth, so to speak, is equitable, of course, but I have NOT stressed over each kid getting the EXACT SAME number of gifts, or spending the exact same amount on each. I finally figured it out - THEY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF COSTS! And I think they will be really happy, they are each getting what they want, but not so much of it that they will be overwhelmed. And Shawn - one thing! No stress, no trying to find the PERFECT THING for each person. Why now, you ask, why the turnaround? I don't know. I think it is part of a bigger effort I am making to be nicer to myself, to do my best, as always, but to let it be enough. To try to build some healthier habbits back into my hectic life. It seems to be working, though. I have read to my kids more in the last week than I have in a long time. We will be making and distributing neighbor gifts this year for the first time in a long time (hopefully). And I am not hating the Christmas season. So far, so good.

Does this mean I've finally found the balance I've been searching for?

Probably not, but it does feel good to be back on the blog again. I actually should be writing annual reviews right now, but, here we are. As usual, sacraficing one thing for another. But...this was not meant to be a verbal purging of all my frustrations. Just a "hello, blog, haven't seen you in a while," kind of thing.

We celebrated Bella's 7th birthday last night. At home, just a very small family gathering. It was so nice to have just as many people as would fit around the kitchen table. No noise, no crowding, no screaming, no mommy trying to be the perfect hostess. We made homemade pizza and pasta, and a very humble homemade cake. Nothing like my friend Annette's beautiful cakes, but it was what I could do. (If you visit her blog, the little "smash" cake was served to Bella at a family party a few weeks ago). You want to know something hilarious? While at the store, I bought what I thought were four small tubes of icing (Bella wanted to help decorate). Turns out they were really gel food coloring, to be used to COLOR your own icing. Hee, hee, hee. As I was writing "Happy Birthday" on her cake, I wondered why the icing was coming out so dark. I still didn't realize what had happened until later, when I went to put the box away and was reading to see if I needed to refridgerate. I guess I need to pay more attention to what I am buying - I just thought I was getting a good deal! (We like good deals, huh, Jolene!?) :) I love that Bella is so easy going and easy to please, later on she told me that this was her best birthday ever!

Hopefully this post will be the first of many new posts to come. I have missed blogging. I have missed doing home things. I know I was only home for a year, but this going back to work thing is for the birds! I didn't realize how much my perspective had changed over this past year, how much my daily habits had changed! I have so many little projects and ideas waiting, how do other moms do it? I know I'm not the only working mom out there. Is there some secret that I'm not aware of, like a really cheap cleaning service or something? Or do I just need to give up more than I had anticipated? I knew something would have to give, but, really, everything? Really? I wasn't ready to give away all the fun stuff! Here's hoping that BALANCE will find me soon.

Reflections

I have been completely avoiding my blog lately because I am dreading the "what we did all summer" post - all those pics to download! I am also shamefully behind on counting my blessings! These posts will come, but not tonight, I am tired. (I also have several recipes and ideas to post on my food blog. Aargh, something may have to go!)

This week marks my return to the working world, and the return of my juggling act between mommy and career gal. I have to say, it has been fraught with mixed emotions. I cried on my way to work yesterday. I put on a good face, but struggled at work a bit, because I hate learning new things. Especially when, really, I know WHAT to do, it's just figuring out HOW this particular agency does it. Also, the way private agencies are run is very different from school districts. In some ways better, in some ways not as good, but mostly just different. Then I came home later than expected, and it was somewhat of a challenge to fit in dinner and family time before bedtime. But we did it with minimal chaos. Then today was better. I just about skipped out to my car at the end of the day, feeling like I'm getting my feet under me and maybe the balance is possible. Also I had an experience at work that validated the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing. Shawn has been so great. Both days, he had all the housework done (working off of a modified list of what I usually do, of course), and dinner just about ready. Which is actually more than I can say for myself sometimes. I'm so sad that I'm leaving my home and my sweet boys two and a half days a week to go to work, but I appreciate that I am able to do something I enjoy and contribute to the family economy. Happy that that side of my personality is being challenged and fulfilled. Also so grateful that I went to college! My degree makes it possible for me to have a great job with really flexible hours that allows me to work part time and still make decent money.

I have been reflecting lately on all the changes our little family has experienced over the past year. They are many: In September of last year, I was pregnant, had quit my job, and began babysitting out of my home. Construction slowed waaaaaaay down, and Shawn got a new job. Not just any job, but one as a police officer, for which he had no prior experience or training. We welcomed sweet baby Kole into the world in November, at 2-something in the afternoon after Shawn had worked a night shift the night before. He took a whole 1 day off after Kole was born, so it was pretty much, here we go with regular life. (I know it's just like that anyway for a lot of moms, but I normally require a little taking care of after giving birth!) Shawn left for POST in January and lived in a teeny tiny room with a teeny tiny twin bed in Boise for 10 weeks, eating sleeping and dreaming law enforcement. Life was much improved for all of us when he came home! Spring came, school let out, and babysitting was over. I didn't do well with that, mainly because I had so many part timers coming and going, I felt like I was running to the bus stop all day long and couldn't get anything done! (I'm not a very good multi-tasker.) And since it was never in the plans for me not to have any income at all, we started talking about what I would do the next school year. Discussions were had, decisions were made, and here we are. Whew! Maybe now we can settle in a bit. Hopefully the balance I've always sought will grace me with lasting presence. Shawn and I had a little friendly visit last night about sharing roles ~ it opened my eyes to some things, and maybe his, too. Time will tell.

Hmph. Apparently I had more to get off my chest than I thought.

52 Blessings ~ Week #29 (Almost a week late!)

Boy, things in the Williams household have been busy these last two weeks! Both of my bros. were here visiting, one with a new baby! We had birthday celebrations, barbeques, days on the lake, and lots of fun together time. That all led to loads and loads of undone laundry at my house, but I digress! Here are this week's blessings:

1 ~ Baby Gavin

Gav is my little brother's new baby. He is also my very first blood-related nephew (Bri and Jo's first baby). I didn't think that would really hit me the way it did, but it did! I love all of my nieces and nephews on Shawn's side of the family with all my heart, but there is something really special about my little bro having his own baby. And let me tell ya, he is a DOLL! So snuggly and happy. Gavin is really good natured, too. He took to all the new family and friends with ease and grace - not all babies can do that. Brian and Jo are really good parents, and that's neat to watch. Until now, I have been the sole provider of grandchilren for my parents, a torch that I am MORE THAN HAPPY to pass on! Love you, Gavin!

2~ Sushi

I LOVE SUSHI! It seems like the more I get it, the more I want it! When Shawn and I were in Utah last week, we ate at an all-you-can-eat sushi place, Simply Sushi, and it was sooooo yummy. The sushi was actually pretty good quality, it tasted fresh and wasn't overly fishy. I mean, it's fish, so it's a little fishy. We went with some old friends that live down there, and between the four of us, we ate probably 15 rolls, in addition to some hand rolls, appetizers, nigiri, and soup. It was a little bit wrong (should you really eat all you can eat of sushi - isn't it something to be savored, not devoured?), and we felt soooooo full afterward, but it was fun. I kept saying I felt like I was in one of those hot dog eating contests, hee hee hee! Ever since then, I have been wishing we had a good all you can eat sushi place around here!