A bit of randomness

I just uploaded (is that the right term?) some pics from my camera - 59 to be exact, and exactly 37 of them are worthless. That's what happens when mommy does not monitor the children's use of the camera, and the children use the camera liberally! On Saturday, the girls had their last bball game of this season (more on that later). Well, Jagger and his little friend got a hold of the camera and proceeded to take pictures of everything - each other, the court, the kids, the floor, fuzz from their hands being to close to the lense. Emma must have also had her fun with it, because I found several self-portraits, which are no big surprise, her favorite! Then back to Jagger this afternoon, the result of which included about 8 shots of Shawn on the couch, one very close close-up of a football, and either the couch cushion or the carpet; along with many many "thumb blocking half the shot" shots. Hee, hee, hee. I probably should set more defined boundaries on camera use, but that's one where I go back and forth between thinking it's okay for them to use it, and then thinking it makes me really irritated when they use it. I suppose that's one of those things that falls under the category of "Is it eternal?" Thanks to my wise friend Robyn for that little barometer!


So, here is my best attempt at capturing the peace and loveliness of my sweet little Christmas tree:

I have seen enough beautiful pictures of sweet home Christmas trees lately to know that this is not one! How is this accomplished? I even fiddled around with the settings on my camera, and still couldn't make it look pretty. Come on, I know I have some photography-lovin' friends out there - help!!

And how about this one - is it New Year's card worthy? (Best of intentions indicate that I actually WILL get cards sent out this year, if not a wee bit late)!

I actually think this one is cuter, but I don't know, do people want to see the kids being wiggly and trying to run away - what do you think?

I have done so crappy with posting my blessings (52 Blessings project), but tonight I am thankful for a warm, safe home, and boys who love their momma!

Merry Christmas, friends. I hope this blessed week brings you peace and joy.

So far, so good

We're off to a good December in the Williams household. Well, I guess I'd better go back to November, with Shawn, Bella, and Kole all celebrating birthdays. It was the usual merriment, EXCEPT, never have I seen a one-year-old enjoy his cake like my little Kole. The pictures just do not do justice to how delighted he was with his 1st Birthday cupcake! He really dug in, and kept digging and digging and digging. I had to pry the paper out of his hands, then hurry and give him another. By cupcake #3 I figured I had better cut him off for his own good - off to the bathtub! It was a fun night and a joy to watch my baby having so much fun!

This weekend, the girls and I went to The Nutcracker, at the Colonial Arts Theatre downtown. I love that theatre, its so old and pretty. Bella had performed in The Nutcracker before, but she isn't dancing this year, so I thought it would be fun to go and actually get to watch. The dancers, both local and professional, were beautiful, and I love the story. Time spent with just my girls is precious to me, and this was a perfect night!

This was the whole group of us, except me:

Also this weekend, the girls performed in their very first piano recital. They practiced and practiced, and I have to say, it paid off! I was a litte worried when we first started talking recital, but my worries were unneccessary (aren't they usually)! They each performed their song PERFECTLY! Seriously, no mistakes! A proud moment.

The past several years have found me not only dreading the onset of the Christmas season, but drudging along through it with less than gleeful enthusiasm. I hate all the commercialism, the pressure, the stress I put myself through to have a perpetually clean house (because all those decorations in a messy house...please)! Plus, I always end up doing my shopping at the last minute, agonizing over what to get everyone. This year, I decided NO MORE! First of all, the house is going to be messy. If I'm lucky, once a day, after dinner dishes are done, laundry and toys are put away, and kids are ready for bed, it will be clean and I can enjoy it. That will have to be enough. I have finished most of my shopping already because I made lists and went out on Black Friday to get most of it (no, I did not get ANY great deals because I am not CRAZY and did not go out at 4am to wait in line or spend my Thanksgiving day in a tent outside of Target). The rest I have ordered online or will be exchanging/purchasing this Thursday during my annual birthday dinner/Christmas shopping night with friends Jo and Hil (Jolene's birthday, not mine). AND, it's a simple Christmas at my house this year. I have made sure the distribution of wealth, so to speak, is equitable, of course, but I have NOT stressed over each kid getting the EXACT SAME number of gifts, or spending the exact same amount on each. I finally figured it out - THEY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF COSTS! And I think they will be really happy, they are each getting what they want, but not so much of it that they will be overwhelmed. And Shawn - one thing! No stress, no trying to find the PERFECT THING for each person. Why now, you ask, why the turnaround? I don't know. I think it is part of a bigger effort I am making to be nicer to myself, to do my best, as always, but to let it be enough. To try to build some healthier habbits back into my hectic life. It seems to be working, though. I have read to my kids more in the last week than I have in a long time. We will be making and distributing neighbor gifts this year for the first time in a long time (hopefully). And I am not hating the Christmas season. So far, so good.

Does this mean I've finally found the balance I've been searching for?

Probably not, but it does feel good to be back on the blog again. I actually should be writing annual reviews right now, but, here we are. As usual, sacraficing one thing for another. But...this was not meant to be a verbal purging of all my frustrations. Just a "hello, blog, haven't seen you in a while," kind of thing.

We celebrated Bella's 7th birthday last night. At home, just a very small family gathering. It was so nice to have just as many people as would fit around the kitchen table. No noise, no crowding, no screaming, no mommy trying to be the perfect hostess. We made homemade pizza and pasta, and a very humble homemade cake. Nothing like my friend Annette's beautiful cakes, but it was what I could do. (If you visit her blog, the little "smash" cake was served to Bella at a family party a few weeks ago). You want to know something hilarious? While at the store, I bought what I thought were four small tubes of icing (Bella wanted to help decorate). Turns out they were really gel food coloring, to be used to COLOR your own icing. Hee, hee, hee. As I was writing "Happy Birthday" on her cake, I wondered why the icing was coming out so dark. I still didn't realize what had happened until later, when I went to put the box away and was reading to see if I needed to refridgerate. I guess I need to pay more attention to what I am buying - I just thought I was getting a good deal! (We like good deals, huh, Jolene!?) :) I love that Bella is so easy going and easy to please, later on she told me that this was her best birthday ever!

Hopefully this post will be the first of many new posts to come. I have missed blogging. I have missed doing home things. I know I was only home for a year, but this going back to work thing is for the birds! I didn't realize how much my perspective had changed over this past year, how much my daily habits had changed! I have so many little projects and ideas waiting, how do other moms do it? I know I'm not the only working mom out there. Is there some secret that I'm not aware of, like a really cheap cleaning service or something? Or do I just need to give up more than I had anticipated? I knew something would have to give, but, really, everything? Really? I wasn't ready to give away all the fun stuff! Here's hoping that BALANCE will find me soon.

Reflections

I have been completely avoiding my blog lately because I am dreading the "what we did all summer" post - all those pics to download! I am also shamefully behind on counting my blessings! These posts will come, but not tonight, I am tired. (I also have several recipes and ideas to post on my food blog. Aargh, something may have to go!)

This week marks my return to the working world, and the return of my juggling act between mommy and career gal. I have to say, it has been fraught with mixed emotions. I cried on my way to work yesterday. I put on a good face, but struggled at work a bit, because I hate learning new things. Especially when, really, I know WHAT to do, it's just figuring out HOW this particular agency does it. Also, the way private agencies are run is very different from school districts. In some ways better, in some ways not as good, but mostly just different. Then I came home later than expected, and it was somewhat of a challenge to fit in dinner and family time before bedtime. But we did it with minimal chaos. Then today was better. I just about skipped out to my car at the end of the day, feeling like I'm getting my feet under me and maybe the balance is possible. Also I had an experience at work that validated the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing. Shawn has been so great. Both days, he had all the housework done (working off of a modified list of what I usually do, of course), and dinner just about ready. Which is actually more than I can say for myself sometimes. I'm so sad that I'm leaving my home and my sweet boys two and a half days a week to go to work, but I appreciate that I am able to do something I enjoy and contribute to the family economy. Happy that that side of my personality is being challenged and fulfilled. Also so grateful that I went to college! My degree makes it possible for me to have a great job with really flexible hours that allows me to work part time and still make decent money.

I have been reflecting lately on all the changes our little family has experienced over the past year. They are many: In September of last year, I was pregnant, had quit my job, and began babysitting out of my home. Construction slowed waaaaaaay down, and Shawn got a new job. Not just any job, but one as a police officer, for which he had no prior experience or training. We welcomed sweet baby Kole into the world in November, at 2-something in the afternoon after Shawn had worked a night shift the night before. He took a whole 1 day off after Kole was born, so it was pretty much, here we go with regular life. (I know it's just like that anyway for a lot of moms, but I normally require a little taking care of after giving birth!) Shawn left for POST in January and lived in a teeny tiny room with a teeny tiny twin bed in Boise for 10 weeks, eating sleeping and dreaming law enforcement. Life was much improved for all of us when he came home! Spring came, school let out, and babysitting was over. I didn't do well with that, mainly because I had so many part timers coming and going, I felt like I was running to the bus stop all day long and couldn't get anything done! (I'm not a very good multi-tasker.) And since it was never in the plans for me not to have any income at all, we started talking about what I would do the next school year. Discussions were had, decisions were made, and here we are. Whew! Maybe now we can settle in a bit. Hopefully the balance I've always sought will grace me with lasting presence. Shawn and I had a little friendly visit last night about sharing roles ~ it opened my eyes to some things, and maybe his, too. Time will tell.

Hmph. Apparently I had more to get off my chest than I thought.

52 Blessings ~ Week #29 (Almost a week late!)

Boy, things in the Williams household have been busy these last two weeks! Both of my bros. were here visiting, one with a new baby! We had birthday celebrations, barbeques, days on the lake, and lots of fun together time. That all led to loads and loads of undone laundry at my house, but I digress! Here are this week's blessings:

1 ~ Baby Gavin

Gav is my little brother's new baby. He is also my very first blood-related nephew (Bri and Jo's first baby). I didn't think that would really hit me the way it did, but it did! I love all of my nieces and nephews on Shawn's side of the family with all my heart, but there is something really special about my little bro having his own baby. And let me tell ya, he is a DOLL! So snuggly and happy. Gavin is really good natured, too. He took to all the new family and friends with ease and grace - not all babies can do that. Brian and Jo are really good parents, and that's neat to watch. Until now, I have been the sole provider of grandchilren for my parents, a torch that I am MORE THAN HAPPY to pass on! Love you, Gavin!

2~ Sushi

I LOVE SUSHI! It seems like the more I get it, the more I want it! When Shawn and I were in Utah last week, we ate at an all-you-can-eat sushi place, Simply Sushi, and it was sooooo yummy. The sushi was actually pretty good quality, it tasted fresh and wasn't overly fishy. I mean, it's fish, so it's a little fishy. We went with some old friends that live down there, and between the four of us, we ate probably 15 rolls, in addition to some hand rolls, appetizers, nigiri, and soup. It was a little bit wrong (should you really eat all you can eat of sushi - isn't it something to be savored, not devoured?), and we felt soooooo full afterward, but it was fun. I kept saying I felt like I was in one of those hot dog eating contests, hee hee hee! Ever since then, I have been wishing we had a good all you can eat sushi place around here!

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1 ~ Knowledge.

More specifically, spiritual knowledge. Knowledge of our divine purpose and worth. Here's the explanation: Bella was having a rough little moment this afternoon. She was wearing a pair of Kole's little pants around as shorts (she was so cute!), and I was lovingly teasing her about being so skinny. She took it wrong, and that sent her into this moment of comparing herself to her sister and feeling bad about her body. I made the mistake then of telling her that she was just absolutely beautiful and perfect. Well, she didn't take that well. So I revamped and said something about how nobody on this earth is perfect and that that's why we're here. We're here to be challenged and learn lessons, etc. We discussed how the Lord created each of us unique, and that no two people on this earth are exactly the same, even twins. Now, we've talked before about our bodies being gifts, and the body is a temple, etc. But, here came this moment of inspiration. I said to her: "Bella, your body is a gift, but it also has a special job. It's a home for your little spirit that lives inside. (Her eyes lit up at that point). Our Father in Heaven did not give us our bodies to look pretty or to be just like someone else's. He gave us our bodies to house our spirits, to move and play and run and jump." We went on to talk about how well her body accomplishes these tasks, and that it really does work quite well for her. There were tears in my eyes at this point, because I was so thankful for the comfort I was able to give my daughter, and for the peace that this conversation brought me, a reminder to myself of all those things. (With more than a few extra pounds the last two babies have left me with, sometimes it's easy to not appreciate my own body for it's true worth and purpose). I am thankful for my body, and more importantly, thankful that I am a daughter of God, and for the peace that knowledge brings me. I am thankful that I can help to instill that same peaceful knowledge in my two beautiful daughters.

2 ~ Fun and Functional Clothes

I know, frivolous, right. But clothes are somewhat of a hobby for me, and I actually think they are a way of expressing one's individuality. It probably comes from wearing a uniform to school almost my whole life. Anyway, this week, 3 lovely little pieces have come into my life. First, this cutie pie was gifted to me by a dear friend:

It's an apron, in case you can't tell. I would have modeled it, but no one else is awake to take my picture. :(

Of course, many of you know the talented Tanya, but for those who don't, see her homemade bags and aprons at Luscious Lemon on Etsy. I love to cook, and the pattern reminds me of a dress I had when I was somewhere near 4 years old. Every time I wear it (which has been and will be often), I feel happy, sort of Donna Reed-ish, and will think of this lovely friend. By the way, Donna Reed is my way of describing that happy, content, accomplished homemaker feeling I get when I feel like I've done a good job at some domestic duty. :)

Next, (the same day!), this tankini and board short arrived in the mail (because I paid way too much to have it shipped overnight from Athleta).

We've been going boating with my aunt and uncle at Blacktail lately, and I decided I needed a swimsuit that wouldn't fall off of me in the water, and would look cute, age-appropriate, modest, and flattering (I know, swimwear does not perform miracles). It would also need to hold "the girls" in place. Imagine my delight when this arrived on Monday, not 15 minutes before we were to leave for another afternoon on the lake. And then to have it fit right and meet my criteria! Bonus, the top was on sale, and both pieces are of excellent quality! I will never buy another swimsuit anywhere else. Athleta rocks!

Grateful

A lot of times I blog about negative things. Things that irritate me, days that I feel like screaming or drowning myself, or important decisions that need to be made or have been made. Not because I am an inherently grouchy person, but because writing helps me work things out! But, I often THINK about things I am grateful for. I just don't often write about them because they give me peace, not that desperate crazy helpless feeling I get from those argh! moments.

My friend Ashley does this 52 Blessings thing on her blog. Basically, once a week (for a year, hence the 52), you post about something you are thankful for. Here's a link to the 52 Blessings Project on Flickr. I noticed on her blog that last week was week #26, and I thought that sounded like a good time to start counting my blessings! Since we are officially halfway through the year, I plan to start posting my blessings from now on, 2 a week.

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1. My Children ~ I am not a woman of great patience, so there are many times when I am NOT thankful for my children's BEHAVIOR. But, I am always thankful for these 4 little people who grace me with their presence in my life every day! I am grateful for their companionship, their unconditional love, their creativity, their compassion, their energy, and their patience! I am grateful that they seem to find the fun in everything that they do. I am grateful that they are smart, healthy, happy, and filled with love.

2. My Backyard ~ It is big and somewhat plain, and I love it! It has plenty of room for the trampoline, kiddy pool, sprinklers, and whatever other adventures the kids dream up. Today they are running a stuffed animal hospital out of a princess tent in a little corner of shade. So fun! My favorite time is when the grass is freshly cut and the garden freshly weeded, like it is today (thanks to Shawn, sorry for the sore back)!