Reflections

I have been completely avoiding my blog lately because I am dreading the "what we did all summer" post - all those pics to download! I am also shamefully behind on counting my blessings! These posts will come, but not tonight, I am tired. (I also have several recipes and ideas to post on my food blog. Aargh, something may have to go!)

This week marks my return to the working world, and the return of my juggling act between mommy and career gal. I have to say, it has been fraught with mixed emotions. I cried on my way to work yesterday. I put on a good face, but struggled at work a bit, because I hate learning new things. Especially when, really, I know WHAT to do, it's just figuring out HOW this particular agency does it. Also, the way private agencies are run is very different from school districts. In some ways better, in some ways not as good, but mostly just different. Then I came home later than expected, and it was somewhat of a challenge to fit in dinner and family time before bedtime. But we did it with minimal chaos. Then today was better. I just about skipped out to my car at the end of the day, feeling like I'm getting my feet under me and maybe the balance is possible. Also I had an experience at work that validated the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing. Shawn has been so great. Both days, he had all the housework done (working off of a modified list of what I usually do, of course), and dinner just about ready. Which is actually more than I can say for myself sometimes. I'm so sad that I'm leaving my home and my sweet boys two and a half days a week to go to work, but I appreciate that I am able to do something I enjoy and contribute to the family economy. Happy that that side of my personality is being challenged and fulfilled. Also so grateful that I went to college! My degree makes it possible for me to have a great job with really flexible hours that allows me to work part time and still make decent money.

I have been reflecting lately on all the changes our little family has experienced over the past year. They are many: In September of last year, I was pregnant, had quit my job, and began babysitting out of my home. Construction slowed waaaaaaay down, and Shawn got a new job. Not just any job, but one as a police officer, for which he had no prior experience or training. We welcomed sweet baby Kole into the world in November, at 2-something in the afternoon after Shawn had worked a night shift the night before. He took a whole 1 day off after Kole was born, so it was pretty much, here we go with regular life. (I know it's just like that anyway for a lot of moms, but I normally require a little taking care of after giving birth!) Shawn left for POST in January and lived in a teeny tiny room with a teeny tiny twin bed in Boise for 10 weeks, eating sleeping and dreaming law enforcement. Life was much improved for all of us when he came home! Spring came, school let out, and babysitting was over. I didn't do well with that, mainly because I had so many part timers coming and going, I felt like I was running to the bus stop all day long and couldn't get anything done! (I'm not a very good multi-tasker.) And since it was never in the plans for me not to have any income at all, we started talking about what I would do the next school year. Discussions were had, decisions were made, and here we are. Whew! Maybe now we can settle in a bit. Hopefully the balance I've always sought will grace me with lasting presence. Shawn and I had a little friendly visit last night about sharing roles ~ it opened my eyes to some things, and maybe his, too. Time will tell.

Hmph. Apparently I had more to get off my chest than I thought.