A bit of randomness

I just uploaded (is that the right term?) some pics from my camera - 59 to be exact, and exactly 37 of them are worthless. That's what happens when mommy does not monitor the children's use of the camera, and the children use the camera liberally! On Saturday, the girls had their last bball game of this season (more on that later). Well, Jagger and his little friend got a hold of the camera and proceeded to take pictures of everything - each other, the court, the kids, the floor, fuzz from their hands being to close to the lense. Emma must have also had her fun with it, because I found several self-portraits, which are no big surprise, her favorite! Then back to Jagger this afternoon, the result of which included about 8 shots of Shawn on the couch, one very close close-up of a football, and either the couch cushion or the carpet; along with many many "thumb blocking half the shot" shots. Hee, hee, hee. I probably should set more defined boundaries on camera use, but that's one where I go back and forth between thinking it's okay for them to use it, and then thinking it makes me really irritated when they use it. I suppose that's one of those things that falls under the category of "Is it eternal?" Thanks to my wise friend Robyn for that little barometer!


So, here is my best attempt at capturing the peace and loveliness of my sweet little Christmas tree:

I have seen enough beautiful pictures of sweet home Christmas trees lately to know that this is not one! How is this accomplished? I even fiddled around with the settings on my camera, and still couldn't make it look pretty. Come on, I know I have some photography-lovin' friends out there - help!!

And how about this one - is it New Year's card worthy? (Best of intentions indicate that I actually WILL get cards sent out this year, if not a wee bit late)!

I actually think this one is cuter, but I don't know, do people want to see the kids being wiggly and trying to run away - what do you think?

I have done so crappy with posting my blessings (52 Blessings project), but tonight I am thankful for a warm, safe home, and boys who love their momma!

Merry Christmas, friends. I hope this blessed week brings you peace and joy.

So far, so good

We're off to a good December in the Williams household. Well, I guess I'd better go back to November, with Shawn, Bella, and Kole all celebrating birthdays. It was the usual merriment, EXCEPT, never have I seen a one-year-old enjoy his cake like my little Kole. The pictures just do not do justice to how delighted he was with his 1st Birthday cupcake! He really dug in, and kept digging and digging and digging. I had to pry the paper out of his hands, then hurry and give him another. By cupcake #3 I figured I had better cut him off for his own good - off to the bathtub! It was a fun night and a joy to watch my baby having so much fun!

This weekend, the girls and I went to The Nutcracker, at the Colonial Arts Theatre downtown. I love that theatre, its so old and pretty. Bella had performed in The Nutcracker before, but she isn't dancing this year, so I thought it would be fun to go and actually get to watch. The dancers, both local and professional, were beautiful, and I love the story. Time spent with just my girls is precious to me, and this was a perfect night!

This was the whole group of us, except me:

Also this weekend, the girls performed in their very first piano recital. They practiced and practiced, and I have to say, it paid off! I was a litte worried when we first started talking recital, but my worries were unneccessary (aren't they usually)! They each performed their song PERFECTLY! Seriously, no mistakes! A proud moment.

The past several years have found me not only dreading the onset of the Christmas season, but drudging along through it with less than gleeful enthusiasm. I hate all the commercialism, the pressure, the stress I put myself through to have a perpetually clean house (because all those decorations in a messy house...please)! Plus, I always end up doing my shopping at the last minute, agonizing over what to get everyone. This year, I decided NO MORE! First of all, the house is going to be messy. If I'm lucky, once a day, after dinner dishes are done, laundry and toys are put away, and kids are ready for bed, it will be clean and I can enjoy it. That will have to be enough. I have finished most of my shopping already because I made lists and went out on Black Friday to get most of it (no, I did not get ANY great deals because I am not CRAZY and did not go out at 4am to wait in line or spend my Thanksgiving day in a tent outside of Target). The rest I have ordered online or will be exchanging/purchasing this Thursday during my annual birthday dinner/Christmas shopping night with friends Jo and Hil (Jolene's birthday, not mine). AND, it's a simple Christmas at my house this year. I have made sure the distribution of wealth, so to speak, is equitable, of course, but I have NOT stressed over each kid getting the EXACT SAME number of gifts, or spending the exact same amount on each. I finally figured it out - THEY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF COSTS! And I think they will be really happy, they are each getting what they want, but not so much of it that they will be overwhelmed. And Shawn - one thing! No stress, no trying to find the PERFECT THING for each person. Why now, you ask, why the turnaround? I don't know. I think it is part of a bigger effort I am making to be nicer to myself, to do my best, as always, but to let it be enough. To try to build some healthier habbits back into my hectic life. It seems to be working, though. I have read to my kids more in the last week than I have in a long time. We will be making and distributing neighbor gifts this year for the first time in a long time (hopefully). And I am not hating the Christmas season. So far, so good.

Does this mean I've finally found the balance I've been searching for?

Probably not, but it does feel good to be back on the blog again. I actually should be writing annual reviews right now, but, here we are. As usual, sacraficing one thing for another. But...this was not meant to be a verbal purging of all my frustrations. Just a "hello, blog, haven't seen you in a while," kind of thing.

We celebrated Bella's 7th birthday last night. At home, just a very small family gathering. It was so nice to have just as many people as would fit around the kitchen table. No noise, no crowding, no screaming, no mommy trying to be the perfect hostess. We made homemade pizza and pasta, and a very humble homemade cake. Nothing like my friend Annette's beautiful cakes, but it was what I could do. (If you visit her blog, the little "smash" cake was served to Bella at a family party a few weeks ago). You want to know something hilarious? While at the store, I bought what I thought were four small tubes of icing (Bella wanted to help decorate). Turns out they were really gel food coloring, to be used to COLOR your own icing. Hee, hee, hee. As I was writing "Happy Birthday" on her cake, I wondered why the icing was coming out so dark. I still didn't realize what had happened until later, when I went to put the box away and was reading to see if I needed to refridgerate. I guess I need to pay more attention to what I am buying - I just thought I was getting a good deal! (We like good deals, huh, Jolene!?) :) I love that Bella is so easy going and easy to please, later on she told me that this was her best birthday ever!

Hopefully this post will be the first of many new posts to come. I have missed blogging. I have missed doing home things. I know I was only home for a year, but this going back to work thing is for the birds! I didn't realize how much my perspective had changed over this past year, how much my daily habits had changed! I have so many little projects and ideas waiting, how do other moms do it? I know I'm not the only working mom out there. Is there some secret that I'm not aware of, like a really cheap cleaning service or something? Or do I just need to give up more than I had anticipated? I knew something would have to give, but, really, everything? Really? I wasn't ready to give away all the fun stuff! Here's hoping that BALANCE will find me soon.

Reflections

I have been completely avoiding my blog lately because I am dreading the "what we did all summer" post - all those pics to download! I am also shamefully behind on counting my blessings! These posts will come, but not tonight, I am tired. (I also have several recipes and ideas to post on my food blog. Aargh, something may have to go!)

This week marks my return to the working world, and the return of my juggling act between mommy and career gal. I have to say, it has been fraught with mixed emotions. I cried on my way to work yesterday. I put on a good face, but struggled at work a bit, because I hate learning new things. Especially when, really, I know WHAT to do, it's just figuring out HOW this particular agency does it. Also, the way private agencies are run is very different from school districts. In some ways better, in some ways not as good, but mostly just different. Then I came home later than expected, and it was somewhat of a challenge to fit in dinner and family time before bedtime. But we did it with minimal chaos. Then today was better. I just about skipped out to my car at the end of the day, feeling like I'm getting my feet under me and maybe the balance is possible. Also I had an experience at work that validated the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing. Shawn has been so great. Both days, he had all the housework done (working off of a modified list of what I usually do, of course), and dinner just about ready. Which is actually more than I can say for myself sometimes. I'm so sad that I'm leaving my home and my sweet boys two and a half days a week to go to work, but I appreciate that I am able to do something I enjoy and contribute to the family economy. Happy that that side of my personality is being challenged and fulfilled. Also so grateful that I went to college! My degree makes it possible for me to have a great job with really flexible hours that allows me to work part time and still make decent money.

I have been reflecting lately on all the changes our little family has experienced over the past year. They are many: In September of last year, I was pregnant, had quit my job, and began babysitting out of my home. Construction slowed waaaaaaay down, and Shawn got a new job. Not just any job, but one as a police officer, for which he had no prior experience or training. We welcomed sweet baby Kole into the world in November, at 2-something in the afternoon after Shawn had worked a night shift the night before. He took a whole 1 day off after Kole was born, so it was pretty much, here we go with regular life. (I know it's just like that anyway for a lot of moms, but I normally require a little taking care of after giving birth!) Shawn left for POST in January and lived in a teeny tiny room with a teeny tiny twin bed in Boise for 10 weeks, eating sleeping and dreaming law enforcement. Life was much improved for all of us when he came home! Spring came, school let out, and babysitting was over. I didn't do well with that, mainly because I had so many part timers coming and going, I felt like I was running to the bus stop all day long and couldn't get anything done! (I'm not a very good multi-tasker.) And since it was never in the plans for me not to have any income at all, we started talking about what I would do the next school year. Discussions were had, decisions were made, and here we are. Whew! Maybe now we can settle in a bit. Hopefully the balance I've always sought will grace me with lasting presence. Shawn and I had a little friendly visit last night about sharing roles ~ it opened my eyes to some things, and maybe his, too. Time will tell.

Hmph. Apparently I had more to get off my chest than I thought.

52 Blessings ~ Week #29 (Almost a week late!)

Boy, things in the Williams household have been busy these last two weeks! Both of my bros. were here visiting, one with a new baby! We had birthday celebrations, barbeques, days on the lake, and lots of fun together time. That all led to loads and loads of undone laundry at my house, but I digress! Here are this week's blessings:

1 ~ Baby Gavin

Gav is my little brother's new baby. He is also my very first blood-related nephew (Bri and Jo's first baby). I didn't think that would really hit me the way it did, but it did! I love all of my nieces and nephews on Shawn's side of the family with all my heart, but there is something really special about my little bro having his own baby. And let me tell ya, he is a DOLL! So snuggly and happy. Gavin is really good natured, too. He took to all the new family and friends with ease and grace - not all babies can do that. Brian and Jo are really good parents, and that's neat to watch. Until now, I have been the sole provider of grandchilren for my parents, a torch that I am MORE THAN HAPPY to pass on! Love you, Gavin!

2~ Sushi

I LOVE SUSHI! It seems like the more I get it, the more I want it! When Shawn and I were in Utah last week, we ate at an all-you-can-eat sushi place, Simply Sushi, and it was sooooo yummy. The sushi was actually pretty good quality, it tasted fresh and wasn't overly fishy. I mean, it's fish, so it's a little fishy. We went with some old friends that live down there, and between the four of us, we ate probably 15 rolls, in addition to some hand rolls, appetizers, nigiri, and soup. It was a little bit wrong (should you really eat all you can eat of sushi - isn't it something to be savored, not devoured?), and we felt soooooo full afterward, but it was fun. I kept saying I felt like I was in one of those hot dog eating contests, hee hee hee! Ever since then, I have been wishing we had a good all you can eat sushi place around here!

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1 ~ Knowledge.

More specifically, spiritual knowledge. Knowledge of our divine purpose and worth. Here's the explanation: Bella was having a rough little moment this afternoon. She was wearing a pair of Kole's little pants around as shorts (she was so cute!), and I was lovingly teasing her about being so skinny. She took it wrong, and that sent her into this moment of comparing herself to her sister and feeling bad about her body. I made the mistake then of telling her that she was just absolutely beautiful and perfect. Well, she didn't take that well. So I revamped and said something about how nobody on this earth is perfect and that that's why we're here. We're here to be challenged and learn lessons, etc. We discussed how the Lord created each of us unique, and that no two people on this earth are exactly the same, even twins. Now, we've talked before about our bodies being gifts, and the body is a temple, etc. But, here came this moment of inspiration. I said to her: "Bella, your body is a gift, but it also has a special job. It's a home for your little spirit that lives inside. (Her eyes lit up at that point). Our Father in Heaven did not give us our bodies to look pretty or to be just like someone else's. He gave us our bodies to house our spirits, to move and play and run and jump." We went on to talk about how well her body accomplishes these tasks, and that it really does work quite well for her. There were tears in my eyes at this point, because I was so thankful for the comfort I was able to give my daughter, and for the peace that this conversation brought me, a reminder to myself of all those things. (With more than a few extra pounds the last two babies have left me with, sometimes it's easy to not appreciate my own body for it's true worth and purpose). I am thankful for my body, and more importantly, thankful that I am a daughter of God, and for the peace that knowledge brings me. I am thankful that I can help to instill that same peaceful knowledge in my two beautiful daughters.

2 ~ Fun and Functional Clothes

I know, frivolous, right. But clothes are somewhat of a hobby for me, and I actually think they are a way of expressing one's individuality. It probably comes from wearing a uniform to school almost my whole life. Anyway, this week, 3 lovely little pieces have come into my life. First, this cutie pie was gifted to me by a dear friend:

It's an apron, in case you can't tell. I would have modeled it, but no one else is awake to take my picture. :(

Of course, many of you know the talented Tanya, but for those who don't, see her homemade bags and aprons at Luscious Lemon on Etsy. I love to cook, and the pattern reminds me of a dress I had when I was somewhere near 4 years old. Every time I wear it (which has been and will be often), I feel happy, sort of Donna Reed-ish, and will think of this lovely friend. By the way, Donna Reed is my way of describing that happy, content, accomplished homemaker feeling I get when I feel like I've done a good job at some domestic duty. :)

Next, (the same day!), this tankini and board short arrived in the mail (because I paid way too much to have it shipped overnight from Athleta).

We've been going boating with my aunt and uncle at Blacktail lately, and I decided I needed a swimsuit that wouldn't fall off of me in the water, and would look cute, age-appropriate, modest, and flattering (I know, swimwear does not perform miracles). It would also need to hold "the girls" in place. Imagine my delight when this arrived on Monday, not 15 minutes before we were to leave for another afternoon on the lake. And then to have it fit right and meet my criteria! Bonus, the top was on sale, and both pieces are of excellent quality! I will never buy another swimsuit anywhere else. Athleta rocks!

Grateful

A lot of times I blog about negative things. Things that irritate me, days that I feel like screaming or drowning myself, or important decisions that need to be made or have been made. Not because I am an inherently grouchy person, but because writing helps me work things out! But, I often THINK about things I am grateful for. I just don't often write about them because they give me peace, not that desperate crazy helpless feeling I get from those argh! moments.

My friend Ashley does this 52 Blessings thing on her blog. Basically, once a week (for a year, hence the 52), you post about something you are thankful for. Here's a link to the 52 Blessings Project on Flickr. I noticed on her blog that last week was week #26, and I thought that sounded like a good time to start counting my blessings! Since we are officially halfway through the year, I plan to start posting my blessings from now on, 2 a week.

52 Blessings ~ Week #27

1. My Children ~ I am not a woman of great patience, so there are many times when I am NOT thankful for my children's BEHAVIOR. But, I am always thankful for these 4 little people who grace me with their presence in my life every day! I am grateful for their companionship, their unconditional love, their creativity, their compassion, their energy, and their patience! I am grateful that they seem to find the fun in everything that they do. I am grateful that they are smart, healthy, happy, and filled with love.

2. My Backyard ~ It is big and somewhat plain, and I love it! It has plenty of room for the trampoline, kiddy pool, sprinklers, and whatever other adventures the kids dream up. Today they are running a stuffed animal hospital out of a princess tent in a little corner of shade. So fun! My favorite time is when the grass is freshly cut and the garden freshly weeded, like it is today (thanks to Shawn, sorry for the sore back)!

Hmm....

I think my mid-summer melancholy has set in. It's not really a bad thing, just a thing. Baseball is almost over, and we seem to have settled in to our lazy mornings, long evenings routine. I always feel sort of quiet and peaceful this time of year. It's a happy melancholy. Time could freeze right now and I would be completely fine and content.

In other news, it looks like I will be going back to work part-time in the fall. It's a good thing because that extra income will provide a much-needed financial cushion. I've never been very good at holding tight the pursestrings, and even though Shawn would never admit it, neither is he. So the cushion will be nice. I'll be doing something I love - either teaching or helping to coordinate developmental therapy programs for preschoolers (not sure yet whether I will go back to the school district, or work for a private agency, some decisions might be headed my way). In some ways I'm looking forward to it, and in other ways I'm sad. The boys won't have to go to daycare (which is the only way I would do this!), as Shawn can be home with them for a couple of days a week. I just hope that enough things have changed in our family over the past year that it won't be crazy stressful for me like it was before. I have become so accustomed to the peace I have cultivated as a stay-at-home mom. On a side note, I always wondered if I had fewer challenges with my children when I was working because the Lord knew that I could only handle so much. The answer to that is yes! My children have been much more challenging since I quit working last summer! Maybe they will become angels again if I go back to work. :) It's a big decision, and I wish that we had unlimited resources (read: lots of money!) so that I didn't have this choice to make! And yet, I've always sort of felt that a big part of my life's challenges would be to balance home and career. Oh, but that's another topic for another post.

Has anyone ever been to the farmer's market here in town? I've never been, but the kids and I wanted to check it out in the morning. Should be a fun day in the sun, anyway. Enjoy your beautiful warm weekend!

Yep, Rob is a Yankees fan....sigh....swoon.....

You're welcome.

Food, Friends, and Fun

I have a new blog! Yay! CLICK to go to my new FOOD BLOG - you'll love it! Come and join the fun!

Princess Hair, Memorial Day

Well, let me just say, I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! I have not one single creative bone in my body, and I am usually very much not good at this kind of stuff, but still, I managed to do THIS to Bella's hair:

Oh, I just reread that and does it sound like I came up with this do all by myself? Well, I did not. I found this blog, The Story of a Princess and Her Hair. It's awesome, she posts frequently with pics and step-by-step easy instructions. So fun! I know there are lots of hair style blogs out there, this one is really good for little girls, and pretty girly-girl styles, at that. Anyone have one for older, less frilly girls (Emma)?

Shawn didn't have to work yesterday, and actually turned down a fishing invite from my dad to spend time with the fam. Once I recovered from my heart attack, I decided we'd better do something fun or else this would never happen again! But, since we had little time to plan and even less money to spend, we decided to take a drive and a picnic up to Mesa Falls. Our picnic turned into Jack-In-The-Box in the car on the way up, but oh well. Gary and Amber and fam went with us. We went to upper Mesa first, walked around, tried to keep toddlers from going into the falls, and let the older girls loose with the cameras. They have an old inn that has been turned into a museum of sorts/ gift shop. It's pretty cool. They had a cast of a grizzly bear print - man, those things are huge! We stopped at Warm River to play in the water and watch some enormous fish jump for their food. That was definitely the highlight for Shawn and Gar. The kids too, I think they mostly just loved being in the water again after a long winter! It was so warm, and I had insisted that my kids wear jeans, because it was forcasted to be a cooler day, and I figured up there would be ever cooler. Actually, the jeans were somewhat of a punishment for the girls, who had spent the better part of the morning arguing with each other, arguing with me over wardrobe options, and avoiding doing their chores. Argh! Anyway, on the way back, instead of taking the main road, we followed the river pretty much the whole way home. It took about twice as long, but it was fun. (You can take the fisherman out of the river, but you can't take the river out of the fisherman!) We even caught a stonefly and held it captive in a Jack cup. But it escaped. I expect to find it wandering around the van, half-dead, any day now.

These are just a few of my faves - I put more on Facebook.

I couldn't resist

I know I'm always gushing about the cute things my kids say, but hopefully someday this blog will be used for archival purposes, so.....

....Bella eating an apple, kissing on Kole; me hanging and folding MOUNDS of clean laundry....

Bella: ".... 5 plus 5 is 10.... with the wonder hanger...."
Me: "what?"
Bella: "Oh, nothing......Mom, you know how your closet is always all smudged up and you're always pulling out wrinkled clothes?"
Me: "yeah."
Bella: "Well, there's this thing called the Wonder Hanger. It has this hook, and there's FIVE hangers on it. And, if you call within the next five minutes, they'll send you ANOTHER Wonder Hanger. That's 10 hangers. AND, they'll send you ANOTHER ONE if you call right this minute. That's FIFTY hangers! Wait, 5 plus 5 is 10, and......." (wanders off chomping on apple.) I didn't bother to correct her erroneous math calculations.

By the way, the TV hasn't been on all day! I don't know why I'm so taken with my daughter's weird talent for remembering and repeating infomercials, but I am! :)

Welcome home, old friend

Isn't the weather just wonderful today? I feel settled today, as though all is right with the world. I feel not as though winter has been upon us and is now gone, but as though I've been somewhere else, and have now returned to summer, and it has welcomed me home with open, forgiving arms. I love summer, I love everything about summer. Especially the beginning of summer. From breakfasts enjoyed outside, to bare feet, to swimming and playing in the sprinklers. Newly awakened plants, fresh cut flowers, and of course, my new love, the GARDEN! From barbeques to sidewalk chalk, summer is where I belong. I feel so ME in the summertime. That's probably because I grew up in Southern California, where it is summer-like most of the time. It's funny, I have now lived nearly half my life in Idaho, but it still feels new in some ways. I wonder if I will still feel that way when I'm 80? I wonder if the place where you grow up has such a profound impact upon your life that it shapes your thinking and your attitudes forever?

Tiny disclaimer: I'm sure that three or four months' time will find me posting a similarly gushy ode to fall. I do love fall. I love it because it is a change. Summer is my love, fall is my crush.

Shenanigans and other such tomfoolery

So, my dear little Bella has many wonderful qualities, however, efficiency is not one of them. Unfortunately, she inherited my sense of punctuality, which means she runs about 15 minutes behind on everything. And that's with my constant prodding. If left to her own devices, nothing would EVER get done! So, why was I not surprised when she got completely ready for school today all by herself? I mean, hair done, dressed, socks, shoes, backpack, waiting downstairs for my okay to run to the bus stop. (I am assuming her teeth were not brushed, though, because usually that requires a breath check. I know that's gross, and moms with only one or two kids are probably gagging right now, like I would have been a few years back. Trust me, you'll get here!) Anyway, she had also informed me that she did NOT want me to walk her to the bus stop, and she did NOT want a kiss. Now, all of this was happening as I was doing the dishes and absently visiting with Jagger about something. I know she had me approve her hair do, but hindsight tells me that she was hiding her body behind the kitchen wall as I was checking her hair. So, promptly at 11:11, so she has exactly enough time to skip off to meet the bus without having to wait (read: without a minute to spare for last minute wardrobe substitutions), I came downstairs to send her out the door and watch her walk to the bus. SHOCK! SURPRISE! DISMAY! HILARITY! I wish I had had the time and a working camera to take a picture of my sneaky little girl's outfit, but try to picture this: 1. Cherry red Gap Product Red t-shirt that says something like Ado(red) in cutesy baby pink lettering 2.Fuchsia pink skirt 3. multi-colored striped leggings 4. no socks 5. brown suede loafers 6. deep turquoise hoodie with soft laura-ashley inspired print in hood and on front applique. 7. bright turquoise Scott Foresman tote bag that came with last year's reading curriculum. .......... If I hadn't been laughing so hard, I probably would have been mad. Bella frequently comes up with funky outfits that she thinks are stylish, but most of the time she ends up looking like a polygamist's daughter. I ALWAYS let her wear her creations around the house, and I NEVER let her go out in public looking ridiculous. Well, my friends, today is the exception! I wish I could be a fly on the wall in her classroom when her teacher sees her - she'll think I've flipped my lid. Or, maybe she'll think I'm out of town and dad was in charge of dressing the children. I swear, not even Shawn would have allowed this one!
Then, I came in the house to discover Jagger crouched on TOP of the kitchen counter like a little frog (sans shirt due to a syrup incident from breakfast), poised and ready to knock several clean pans and glass bakeware off of the counter to their death on the tile floor. Whew, caught just in the nick of time! But, the cat-that-got-the-canary grin on his face, and his so-proud-of-himself laugh were priceless!
No sneakiness to report from Emma, she's much more of a serious gal. But, she has been writing stories lately. It's so fun to see the inner workings of her mind. She's so much like me in that way - very grounded in reality, likes to build on what she knows. And talk about stream of consciousness! One thing flows right into another, but I can tell that to her, at the time, it made sense. I hope she keeps it up - maybe she'll turn into a better journal writer than her mama, and hopefully use that talent to help her sort out all the adolescent girl drama that is to come!

Book review, more Bella-isms

So, I loved Twilight. I think I've posted about this before. :) While I don't claim that the series is a difficult or challenging read, I do love to read about Edward and Bella, and all my other favorite vamps. They are addicting! I had really no intentions of reading The Host (also by Stephenie Meyer, for those of you who may not be Twilight freaks). HOWEVER, I had heard it was okay, and someone was nice enough to loan it to me, so I figured I'd give it a try. It was great! Still not a challenging read, and only a bit more grown-up than Twilight, but it was really good. I am very much NOT a sci-fi person, but I loved this alien-in-a-human-body piece. When I read a book, I am most interested in the characters, and SM is very thorough with her characterizations (um, Midnight Sun)! Although her characters were not new or novel, the way she writes them makes them feel like friends. I found this one layered in ways that Twilight wasn't, as well. I would describe what I mean by that, but I have a boy who is ready to get out of the tub, and one who is DONE with his nap. (I wrote the portion below first).

I also recently read Interview With The Vampire, by Anne Rice, because I couldn't get enough of vampires, but didn't want to read any of the SM knock-offs that seem to abound lately. Anyway, Interview disappointed me just a bit. The beginning was captivating, the middle was slow, and the end was abrupt. The reviews said something about it being sensual and maybe fascinating or something. Well, sensual is certainly right, but in a slightly disturbing way. Although, I admit it could have been much worse (after all, the book is 30-some-odd years old, imagine what an author could have gotten away with in today's media)! It seemed that Rice also wove some of her own personal turmoil about God, mortality, and the nature of good and evil into the storyline. That part was semi-interesting, but I guess I feel that I have a pretty good handle on those things, and that the character was immature in his centuries-long search for answers. Anyway....

Oh yeah, Bella. Here is a conversation that took place earlier today:
Bella: …said through many tears and sobs, “Why is everyone trying to challenge me today?”
Me: “Being challenged is one of the best parts of life, my love.”
Bella: “No it’s not! The best part is eating treats and talking, and living, and having fun while you can!”

Fish, mercury, and omega-3's

I was visiting with some friends the other night about how much omega 3 fatty acids we need, where to find them, and what are the specific guidelines for pregnancy and nursing. Well...... here's a link to a page on the American Heart Association's website that answers all of these questions. Enjoy!

Fish, Levels of Mercury, and Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Bella-isms, Donna Reed

When she was younger, Bella used to make up words, and use them in perfect context. I know, how does a made-up word have context? Well, all of hers did, and they were always big words. My favorite one was "dequintified," which I believe can be defined as somewhat of a cross between flabbergasted and frustrated. Now that she's so much older and more sophisticated, she doesn't make up words anymore, but she does like to use big words. And she always uses them correctly. Yesterday, something was certainly, and apparently, and evidently! She can also repeat infomercials with the exact right intonations, etc. "Mom, you need to get the (insert fabulous product here). It will make your life so much easier, for only 3 easy payments of $14.99." Always with a straight face she says this, and takes herself completely seriously. So, being completely used to the ways of my daughter, why was I so smitten with this conversation?
Bella: "Mom, why is it called Zucchini Bread?"
Me: "Because it has zucchini in it."
Bella, several minutes later: "They should just call it bread and be sneaky about the zucchini part......Because if someone has a bite of it and likes it and doesn't know it has zucchini in it, but they wouldn't like it if they knew it had zucchini.....(wanders off rambling about zucchini).
Hmmm, would that someone be you, Bella?

Lately I have been serving dinner at 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I decided to try this because, for several different reasons, it seemed like that time would work better for our family. It does and I love it! My meals are now on time, and much more fab than they were before. I feel like Donna Reed, so accomplished. So now it's 4:20, dinner is done, dishes are done, kitchen's clean, and the only thing I will have to deal with later is a light meal before bedtime. I'm sure in another week or so I will fall apart again, but at least today is a good day.

Addict

So, my newest hobby is buying music online. I am ADDICTED! It's soooo much cheaper to buy music online than in the stores. I think. I actually haven't compared lately, because that would require having the time to get out of the house and do something fun, just for me. My favorite is Barnes and Noble, because I have a membership, and with free shipping, I can get real CD's for almost as cheap as the downloads from iTunes. And I usually buy the whole album at once because I am just not creative enough to make my own awesome playlist. I have a love-hate relationship with iTunes. Love because they always have the new stuff, and most of the old stuff. Love because for the most part, they offer real reviews, not the lame, cliche snapshots you find elsewhere. Love because it's really easy to navigate, find what you're looking for. Hate because I do not have an iPod. Only because I would want the good one, with the touch screen, etc., not the Shuffle like Shawn and Em have. And the good one is just a wee bit beyond my price range. And by wee I mean several hundred dollars. Hate also because iTunes does not maintain an account database for you of all the music you have purchased. For example, a few months ago, my computer had some serious issues, and we had to completely wipe out the hard drive and reload all of the software. Upon reloading iTunes, my music was GONE! Now, of course I had backed everything up to CD's, but when you import homemade CD's into iTunes, the artist/song names do not appear. I have searched my iTunes account for a way to re-load all of my old music onto my "new" computer, but have completely failed. By the way, if anyone knows how to do this, or has a computer-geek for a husband (affectionately speaking), please help!
Yes, I have been buying music online just today! Two from Muse, and the new Blue October. Hope it's good! I was very tempted to get the Grease soundtrack, but someday when my kids understand what those lyrics mean, I want them to have forgotten that they could sing them verbatim when they were very young. :)

Overwhelmed

So.....feeling the need to verbally purge some of my frustration today. I am having one of THOSE weeks. Except that I've been having one of those weeks for a while now. I realized just now, while doing my dishes, while listening to Kole sqwawk, knowing that the girls are sitting there with him in the SAME ROOM and just totally ignoring him, that I had ONE good day this week. It was Tuesday. I am finding that there just aren't enough hours in the day, and not enough of ME to go around. Certainly feeling that I don't have room in my life for ME right now, and resenting that a bit. I was just telling my mom that, even as being a wife and mom soak up the better part of my energy right now, I still haven't lost myself. HAH! Don't proud words always come around to bite you in the behind? Part of my frustration can be attributed to the fact that I hold myself to certain standards, and when they don't get met, regularly, I kind of come apart. What I mean by regularly is that I think I am pretty go-with-the-flow when things in my home/personal life head south for a day or so, but I catch up. Lately, I am ALWAYS catching up. Doing laundry, dishes, etc., well into the wee hours. Crashing in bed without having time to relax, knowing in just a few hours it will start all over again. Living on diet coke. This is not okay. But is it something I have to just get used to? Isn't there some way to find balance without sacraficing time with our kids or order in our homes? How is this done?
Now, all you beautiful, wonderful ladies who read this - I know you have been here, too. And I am just beligerent enough to say this tonight, but I do NOT want to hear that this time will pass. I do NOT want to hear that kids are only young once, and that the dishes can wait until tomorrow. Because the fact is, the dishes can only wait until you want to eat again. What I want is a massage. And Happy Hour. And I'm not going to get either. So I'm just going to be grouchy.

My little celebrity

Click on the link to watch BELLA on the news!

Kindergarten Class Celebrates Dr. Suess's Birthday

Jilted

I have decided: I HATE THE BACHELOR. Up until this season, I had serious doubts about whether one could really find love on TV. Jason Messnick changed my mind. Here was a DAD, someone who knew all that was at stake, and would never take something such as finding a future wife lightly. He was full of integrity, hope, and love for his son. I was SURE that, as things progressed with Melissa, she was the one! (I actually did a little cheer when he sent Molly on her way. Nothing against Molly.) THEN....After the final rose. Just kidding, Melissa, sorry, I meant MOLLY. Molly's really the one for me. I just don't think we're right for each other. WHAT!? I'm afraid I have to agree with Melissa on this one, Jason Messnick is a bastard.



So, here are several reasons why I think that the Bachelor is a flawed experiment (I'm being generous with flawed, I actually believe it is a failed experiment. Except for Trista and Ryan. 99% failed.)

1. The Bachelor/Bachelorette always looks for the contestants to be real, to let their guard down and express their true feelings. I'm sorry, but I call BS on this one. They don't really want the date to be real, because the minute something real happens, they send 'em home. I think they want people to be on their best behavior, they want the fairy tale. REAL LIFE IS NOT A FAIRY TALE, JASON. OF COURSE THE CHEMISTRY IS GOING TO CHANGE WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON A FANTASY VACATION IN FREAKIN' NEW ZEALAND!

2. I believe it is possible to love 2 people at one time. Monogamy is a choice. That's why people who aren't on TV can't get away with behaving the way the Bachelors and Bachelorettes do. (Um, even if you could stomach most of it, how about the FANTASY SUITE?)

3. Putting that many good looking people together at one time in one place is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, I think this thing with Jason was just him needing to try out all the flavors at Cold Stone before he ordered his ice cream. But, come on, even my 6-year-old can eventually make up her mind.



Whew, I feel better now.

Grease

Grease - one of my all-time favorite movies - was on ABC Family the other day. (Don't get me started on the list of very inappropriate movies/TV shows they play on ABC Family). Anyway, the girls recorded it to the DVR, and we have been watching it constantly. We sing all the songs, and even do some of the dance moves, like the HAND JIVE! The girls' favorite song is Stranded at the Drive In. Not sure if that's the official name of the song, but you get the idea. It's the one that Danny sings after he gets fresh with Sandy, and she stomps off saying, "You think I'm going to stay here with you in this, this SIN WAGON?!" It's so hilarious, all of them can sing the song perfectly, even Jagger. I love the way he says "Whyeeeyyyy oh why..." And then Bella, quoting Danny as he sulks on the swing, "Sandy, my darlin', you hurt me real bad." Verbatim. I kid you not. I was ROLLING the first time I heard her say that!

Jagger loves Sandy. He points her out in the movie and starts talking about her anytime he hears the music or one of the girls sings the songs, etc. The funny thing is, I have an Aunt Sandy who totally loves and dotes on my kids. Jagger LOVES her. I think he thinks Olivia Newton-John is his Aunt Sandy!

By the way, has anyone ever noticed that Grease is a DIRTY movie? I have been keeping track of the not-so-subtle inuendos (that I never picked up on before). My favorite one is when Rizzo says to Kenickie, "What's up, Kenick?" and he replies (with his best come hither look), "One guess." Hah!!!

Old friends and new

I am soooo happy! Thanks to Facebook, I am back in touch with one of my dear old friends from high school/college days. And, lucky for me, she happened to be in town this weekend with her little boy. What a treat - it's so great to catch up on the past 6 years, reminisce about crazy times past, and still have lots in common today. Friends like this make me feel young again!

Jagger was in a bit of a mood today, but the one of him and my friend's little boy in the hoola-hoop was a brief reprieve from the grouching. They are really close in age, and now have no choice but to be great friends!

Words of Wisdom

I just couldn't resist posting one more quote - my kids keep saying funny things today! This one's from Emma:

"I hope I don't grow up to be one of those people who knows almost EVERYTHING... (long thoughtful pause). But I know I will."

Me, (now amused and curious): "Why?"

Emma: "Because I already know math, and geography... and reading."

Out of the mouths of babes

From the 4-year old little sweetie that I babysit: "When you get married, you have to KISS a BOY on the MOUTH, so I'm not gonna do THAT!"

Jagger: "Miss... my daddy. Bella miss... my daddy. Mommy miss... my daddy." Pretty insightful for a 2 year old, huh?

I have come to a realization

I am a good mom. In fact, 99% of the moms I know are good moms. Our kids are happy and well taken care of. It doesn't matter if we are more or less strict, more or less messy or clean, have our kids in a million activities or none. What matters is that we give our kids the individual love and attention that they need, and that we teach them the core values they will need to become happy, healthy, well-adjusted, productive adults. What always sinks my ship is that I second guess myself. For example, so-and-so has her kids in dance and sports, maybe I should do that, too. Or, so-and-so's kids are better at doing their chores than mine - maybe I should try her system. NO MORE SHOULD! I don't know why or when I started doing this to myself. When my girls were little, I thought I was the best mom I knew. Seriously, I was a bit of a snob about it. (If you knew me back then, you are probably nodding your head and laughing an evil laugh right now). Somewhere along the line I got caught up in the SHOULD. Well, no more! From now on, I'm going to do what I know is right for my kids, my family, and I would challenge anyone reading this to do the same. Hopefully you already are. If you're reading this, and you're a mom, know that I think you are FABULOUS!

On a cute side note, I have my little niece and nephew over today. When my sister-in-law dropped them off, she told me what my nephew had said on the way over: "I like going to Aunt Andi's house. It comes with Jagger."

Mama Mia! (Mothers and Daughters)

I had heard so many great things about the movie Mama Mia!, that I decided to give it a try. Okay, about 30 seconds in and I was in love. Can you be in love with a movie? (My 9-year old self would answer yes to that question, upon seeing Tom Cruise for the first time in Top Gun). Anyway, back to Mama Mia! I love everything about this movie. The music, the island (I can FEEL the warmth of the rocks and the water), the clothes, the friends, the dancing. This movie reminds me of who I used to be. Partly because my favorite place to be in all the world is somewhere with warm sand and warm water; and partly because it feels so carefree and fun. I used to be carefree and fun. I miss that girl. I know, everyone grows up, but somewhere in the process I have become a worrier. I think way too much about EVERYTHING. It is exhausting. I'm tired of worrying and thinking. Here's to letting it be.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my girls. (See, always with the THINKING). I enjoyed watching the dynamics of the relationship between Donna and Sophie. I loved that they could see and appreciate their differnces, and I loved the bits of raw honesty that passed between them. I'm not sure I have that raw honesty with my mom. Actually, I'm sure that I don't, but I suppose that is another story for another time. It got me thinking about mothers and daughters in general. It's a daunting task ahead of me, raising TWO daughters. Instilling in them values that will carry them through their lives to come - virtue, strength, self-assurance, confidence in who they are, knowledge that they are daughters of God, an awareness that they are one beautiful, special part of a whole (a collective sisterhood, the human family). I know I'm rambling, but I think it's that last part that gets me. I don't think that boys need to feel as SPECIAL as girls do, as if they are the only person in the universe like them, and that there is something wonderful in that. Maybe it's as simple as my girls are having a hard time SHARING lately, or that I was the only girl in my family, so I get the feeling special thing. They are just constantly in competition for my attention, with one or the other feeling jilted ("You love Emma moooore than meeee!") I want so badly to give my girls a sense of BALANCE, teach them to give and receive love and attention equally, and to feel secure, even as the attention ebbs and flows. Maybe I just need to teach them not to THINK as much as I do. Whew, now I'm tired.

(By the way, did anyone else think the flower penis was HILARIOUS)!?

AAARRRGGHHHH!

I want this week to be OVER! I thought I was doing okay, but now I realize that things have been going steadily downhill since Jagger started puking Tuesday morning. He puked for 2 days, and now has had NASTY diarreah since yesterday morning. Kole hasn't pooped since monday, so he's way crabby. (As my bro said, wouldn't you be?!) I just feel like I have been running all week and getting nowhere. The past 24 hours have been especially bad, karmically speaking. Is that a word? I feel like one of those dogs whose owner thinks it's funny to feed it peanut butter. He works so hard to chew it or swallow it, or get it out, but he just can't. And now I have a raging headache. Maybe it's the snow. It's beautiful and all, but a little suffocating. Stupid January!

ICK!

So, here's how my morning has gone so far: Woke up, excersised. Sooooo proud of myself, because this is the first post-baby workout and it felt so great! Helped Emma get ready for school and noticed an odd smell in the bathroom. Oh well, with 4 kids, odd smells are not uncommon. Still, this one was pretty bad.... Saw Emma off to the schoolbus. So proud of myself, again, to have squeezed in a workout AND a shower. Feeling as though mothers the world over would be proud to have a morning like this! Heard Jagger call to me from his room to get him out of bed. Walk into Jag's room (still in my towel), and BAM - discover the source of the smell. He had PUKED sometime in the night. Oh, so gross! It was brownies, all dried up and stinky, stuck to his hair, blankie, BoBo (stuffed monkey), all over his jammies. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm sure all can imagine the circus of laundry, bath, and Lysol that ensued from that point on. Things seem to have settled down a bit now, but I'm crossing my fingers that the bug doesn't spread.

On a side note, I have a new blog, entitled Williams Family Pics. The plan is to post most of my pics over there and keep this one for random thoughts, rants, etc. We'll see how it goes.

I sooo wish I had thought to take a picture of Jagger's crib this morning, with all the puke, etc. Who thinks to grab a camera at a moment like that?

Ode to friends, part II

Some fun pics I ran across to further illustrate yesterday's post.

Oops - looks like he didn't want his picture taken again.

What is that on my face?

Way to go, Bella - she's got herself a younger man!

Me and my boyfriend.

Hee hee hee, this one's for you, Twilight gals, since I don't have any newer pics of you!

Hopefully they're always good friends!

Friends, old and new, borrowed and blue

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately. I have been so fortunate in my life to have been friends with countless wonderful people. Friends I grew up with, friends that have come and gone, friends that I worked with, friends who are also family, friends who I don't even know except through this strange bloggy world, random people who affected my mood in a positive way. My friend Melissa wrote a post recently about history - common, shared history among spouses. I love that. I love having history with my friends, too, but tonight, that history makes me sad. I don't have much PRESENT with the people that I share the most history with. My oldest friend in the world, the beautiful Lauren Sanchez Gregory, invited me to be her friend on Facebook. Not knowing anything about Facebook, but wanting to be FRIENDS with my friend, I joined and became her friend. This means I get to see all the other people she is friends with, and read her various comments, etc. Some of the names and faces I recognized, others I didn't. It occurs to me that I don't know my oldest and dearest friend very well anymore. I mean, we have known each other since kindergarten (which seems like yesterday and a hundred years ago all at the same time - see, Melissa, duality!), but we are not day to day friends anymore. When we do get together, every few years or so, it seems like no time has passed, but each of our daily lives is completely foreign to the other. I suppose all of this is compounded by the fact that I am in Idaho and she is still enjoying sunny southern California. The baggage I carry from that move is material for another post, another day. Suffice it to say I am sad and missing old friends tonight.

When I was a younger, I was always the type of person who liked to have just one or two really good friends, and that was it. I now find that I need all my fingers and probably some toes, too, to count the number of people I consider really good friends. Of those, there is still just a handful that I trust with my secrets, but still.... I am feeling abundantly blessed by my friends lately. I have had several experiences with various friends lately that have changed my life in a positive and profound way. Two secret-sharing friends here in Idaho, Jo and Hil, have truly been keeping me afloat since I had Kole. My family's life is exceptionally busy and complicated right now, and I have needed the life preservers they have provided. It's very true that the Lord's work is manifested through His children.

Something has happened that has made me realize once again how much I love and need my husband. I'm not going to go into detail for the whole world to read about (right, like the whole world is reading my blog), but nobody's dead, and it's not some life-altering tragedy, so if you don't know what I'm talking about, call me and I'll tell you. Anyway, things have just been put into perspective for me lately. Sometimes it's not really about who does what around the house, who hauls the kids around to all their stuff, who did the grocery shopping or shoveled the snow. Sometimes it's just about loving someone.

I wish I had room and time to post pics of all of my old, new, and borrowed friends (I'm the blue friend tonight). But, I don't, so here's this cute one of my very best friend.